January          

  • Just realised what Zoom meetings remind me of …
  • I know the Chinese have a saying; “May you live in interesting times.” I’ve had enough of unprecedented this and that, I just want to live in the nothing dramatic times.
  • The grass may seem greener on the other side, but sometimes it’s because of all the fertilizer.
  • I’m no longer interested in which actor will be the next ‘Doctor Who’. More compelling is who will be the next ‘fish-out-of-water’ lead detective in ‘Death in Paradise’ and have you noticed how they change every three years and are always white middle-aged men?
  • Scientists from Fishguard College of Technology have announced that today is the most depressing day of the year, though that’s hardly any great distinction as nearly every day so far this year has been miserable.
  • While the governments of the world can’t tell us when this pandemic will be over, it’s a fair bet that the makers of the Bond film ‘No Time to Die’ know more than they are letting on.
  • The first rule of Thesaurus Club is; that you don’t talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.

February

  • Old people using technology – hilarious.
  • Saw a billboard sign this morning while out shopping ‘Save lives, Stay at home’ – a bit late really.
  • Did you know that we waste 20 Million cups a year, this is the same weight as 400 elephants? The solution is simple; stop using elephants as cups.
  • Disney+ has added a new disclaimer to old episodes of ‘The Muppet Show’, warning of “negative depictions and/or mistreatment of people or cultures”. Because all Swedish chefs speak that way?
  • BBC Three will return as a fully-fledged TV channel in January 2022, six years after it moved online. Research conducted by the BBC suggested that no-one was watching it online.

March

  • We had a power cut the other day so I tried to search on my mobile phone for my electricity supplier; Scottish Power. The results gave me Nicola Sturgeon.
  • Some objects are not to scale – A this needs to be said in case someone really thinks that there are diggers that big or ships that small.
  • This morning my daughter treated her mother with a finger-painted card and breakfast in bed with scrambled egg with the shells left in. I wouldn’t mind but my daughter’s 34
  • Ofcom received 557,121 complaints after Piers Morgan criticised Meghan Markle and he stormed off the set. Odd, as that’s more than the number of people who watched the programme.
  • Happy St. Cyril of Jerusalem day. St Cyril lived in a time of intense apocalyptic expectation, when Christians were eager to find apocalyptic meaning in every historical event or natural disaster and rude odes to misshapen vegetables.
  • Breaking news! Geraint Pillock and his team of coracles from Fishguard are off to the Suez Canal, but how long this rescue operation may take?

April   

  • Must concentrate and try and get in a solid half hour of hard work today.
  • Length times width times height speaks volumes.
  • I just love how everyone is saying how great ‘Line of Duty’ is on the BBC, as the biggest reveal that it’s been made by ITV
  • Just a reminder, for just £3 a week you too can sponsor a Conservative Prime Minister

May     

  • It begins; the first lawn cutting of the year and it’s a win to mother nature: Garden 1 Lawn Mower 0
  • I see that there are seventeen reasons to be aware of World Press Freedom Day and you will be shocked at what number sixteen is.
  • Fox News wants to know what racism looks like? It looks like Tucker Carlson perhaps?
  • Fans of ‘Line of Duty’ have been dying to find out the identity of H. I always thought we knew it was that Welsh lad out of Steps.
  • The French warship off the coast of Fishguard has been identified as an Entendre class vessel, and there might be two of them, making it a double entendre.
  • The Welsh election results are in and the people of Fishguard have spoken, such a pity that their views will be ignored by those in Cardiff – but that’s politics for you
  • I’m proud to say that I voted Liberal Democrat. It’s not that I support the under-dog, though it’s more of a dog that’s being taken to the vets to be put to sleep
  • I see that there will be an independent inquiry to completely exonerate the Government in its response and handling of the Covid pandemic
  • Israel bombs the sh*t out of Gaza and they still get more points than the UK in Eurovision.

June   

  • I see that prehistoric dinosaur pictures have located in a cave in Scotland. Why were dinosaurs spending time drawing pictures in caves?
  • They say that the vaccination might make you feel tired, I’m not sure I’d ever notice the difference as I’m tired all the time.
  • Just been watching ‘Lego Masters USA’ and the question is, why hasn’t this been turned into a mockumentary film yet?
  • What’s new in innovation? Nothing, there is nothing new in innovation.
  • Happy Father’s Day. “To a man who it’s always been sensible to socially distance from. Especially when he starts telling his ‘jokes’ – Thanks, my darling daughter
  • Overheard in Fishguard: “Great news, I’m going to be a dad; my sister is pregnant”

July

  • Explaining to those at HS2; “One does not simply cut a waterfall into Sprints” – But got to love a useless MS project plan.
  • I see that Ofcom’s 10 most-complained about single transmission programmes were all from ITV. While a few may find this distressing, it does mean that more viewers are watching ITV and not the BBC.
  • Four minutes in space makes you an astronaut? I suppose sitting at the front of the top deck on a bus makes me an airline pilot.
  • It must be difficult to be the leader of the opposition these days, as the UK government makes so many U turns so frequently it’s hard to know what to oppose.
  • Children from Fishguard participated in the ‘Name the Train’ competition, and sadly the names ‘Trainy McTrainy’, ‘Where the feck is the bloody train?’ and ‘Transport for Wales would like to apologise for the delay of this train’ were all rejected.

August

  • I am so glad I’m not working in an office at the moment, as I would not doubt have to hear conversations about how well we’re doing in the sports that we’ll never be interested in again until the next Olympics.
  • My first thought when I heard that ITV had cancelled the ‘X Factor’ was; which former Tesco shelf stacker will have a Christmas number one single now?
  • Is it me or does ‘Jeremy Clarkson telling everyone his A level results day’ come around more often each year?
  • I like how on the Horror TV channel will provide a warning, saying that in the next programme there maybe scenes that are distressing to children.
  • Just heard an advert on the radio; “There’s an Ocado just for you… Geographical restrictions apply” – so maybe not then?
  • For those who have been taking ‘selfies’ with a stranded seal pup that’s consequently died on a beach, I hope they take a long hard look at themselves.

September

  • Headline on Wales Online: ’89-year-old who caught Covid has just made the Welsh national sheepdog team.’ That’s a good age for a collie dog.
  • It will be nice to return to working in an office, it’s not so much fun stealing from the company when you work from home.
  • Congratulations to Emma Raducanu wining the forthcoming BBC Sports Personality of the Year.
  • When Churchill spoke, it was memorable; “We shall fight them on the beaches…” When Boris spoke, it was from Kermit and; “It’s not easy being green…”
  • I see that S4C was off-air last night – thankfully no-one noticed.
  • There’s been a mix up in casting of two big franchises. Idris Elba is going to be the new Dr Who and Richard Ayoade is going to be the new James Bond. You know, that could actually work.
  • At this time, I’m reminded by what my Nan said to me. Always leave a mark on life, not a stain.

October

  • Saw my first Christmas TV advert last night. I wonder if there are really people who need reminding each year that Christmas is coming?
  • And now on Channel 4, ‘Breastfeeding My Boyfriend…’  And if you have any sexual interest that is outside normally acceptable boundaries, we’d love to hear from you…
  • I see that a glacier in West Antarctica called the Glasgow Glacier to mark the Scottish city’s hosting of the COP26 climate meeting has melted.

November

  • When I tell people my job now has something to do with PR, technically I’m telling the truth, but can’t let them know I work in a SPAR shop now can I?
  • I see that the new transport plan is also about those places that “connect and interact” with HS2 and Northern Powerhouse Rail, “We are investing £2bn into walking and cycling”.
  • The Omicron Variant sounds like another self-published science fiction book.
  • Transport for Wales cancelling trains and leaving their customers to fend for themselves should be made a crime.
  • Plan B? No doubt because Plan A was such an overriding success?

December

  • BBC Wales – Part of the Festival of Funny season. Has anyone spoken to the trade’s description people?
  • Today I found out why Toblerone is triangular. So that it fits in the box. Obvious really when you think about it.
  • To miss out on winning an 8th Formula One Championship at the last corner AND then not being shortlisted as a BBC Sports Personality. Life is hard, and then kicks you when you are down.
  • “It was a business meeting not a party”, Is as almost as believable as the; “The Money was only resting in my account.”
  • At Christmas we should take a moment to remember those less fortunate than ourselves; People who live in Rhyl