Category: In the News

• In the News – May 2025
• I remember when Carrie Grant represented the UK in the 1983 Eurovision song contest – on a stage that just featured three stools, but not in the way you are thinking
• I see so many people are saying that Doctor Who isn’t as good as it use to be and that they should bring back William Hartnell. The fact that he’s dead shouldn’t be a problem as it is a TV show about time travel
• With Donald and Elon falling out with each other, can we expect the next head of NASA to be Katy Perry?
• Did those B2 bombers have to fly down a trench and aim for an exhaust port? Asking for a Jedi
• So for instance, when the US President actually dared to say that Israel and Iran had been fighting for so long they hadn’t a clue what they were fucking well doing, everyone was so pleased he felt able to come out and say it that they all failed to notice that this was the start of World War 3

• In the News – July 2025
• I see that the Bank of England is to redesign banknotes, and wants help from the general public. The important thing is that the new designs represent the views of the small, but very loud and aggressive, minority
• I see that the Bank of England is to redesign banknotes, and wants help from the general public. No doubt get ready for Notey McNoteface
• Apparently, Greggs are sponsoring Oasis’s tour. If you buy a bottle of Oasis you get a roll with it
• I see that the Prime Minister has sought to calm the markets and end speculation about Rachel Reeves’ future after the chancellor was seen crying in the House of Commons. She’ll be gone by the weekend then?
• Remember… Every beach is a nudist beach of you are brave enough

• In the News – July 2025
• I see that Hollywood star Will Smith has declared that he is ‘Welsh’ I don’t think so. Not unless he only speaks Welsh and has utter contempt for the English
• “There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” Just another Monday
• The BBC is in the news so much these days it is as if it needs its own news section on the news; “What’s the BBC done now?”
• I see that The Late Show with Stephen Colbert will end in May 2026. The move “is purely a financial decision against a challenging backdrop in late night television,” and “is not related in any way to the show’s performance, content or other matters,” CBS said. Or a certain pay-out to a US President
• I saw a report on YouTube that said “If children do not turn to public service broadcasters for their news, sport and entertainment as they get older, then future of the BBC, ITV, Channel 4, S4C and Channel 5 at risk”

May 2026

• I see that Paddington 4 is going to be filmed with Armando Iannucci to write bear’s next movie. That’s going to be like Charlie Brooker writing for the Tellytubbies
• I cried at the end of Late Show with Stephen Colbert
• Great news! Net migration is down. What’s with all the nets coming here in the first case?
• Eight months ago, Greek singer Akylas was down on his luck. He was working in a cocktail bar… Now he’s representing Greece in Eurovision. Nice to have a career to fall back on
• I see that Sir Keir Starmer has made Gordon Brown an envoy as the PM seeks reset after Labour election losses. It could have been worse, but Tony Blair was busy
• I’ve spent so much on plants for the garden this year I might need to start a hedge fund
• It seems that my mobile phone has facial recognition, but I haven’t looked into it
• Celebrities getting Botox use to be a big deal, but it’s so common now no one raises an eyebrow