• A very unpleasant person recently told me to go back to where I came from but my dad’s testicles are a really bit old and wrinkled now
  • My big toenail came off the other day, so I put it under my pillow and sure enough the Toenail Fairy came in the night and gave me a shiny 50p
  • Really looking forward to some of Nan’s Christmas dinner. This year she has promised only the best of her bottom scrapings
  • Don’t worry if your A level results aren’t what you were hoping for. My granddad started off on the factory floor and after 25 years of hard work was made redundant
  • When I was little, my parents couldn’t afford sky, often as not I’d be locked in the cupboard under the stairs and I would imagine that the cobwebs were clouds