Category: Global Probe Page 1 of 2

• BBC ‘Casualty’: Charlie treats the victim of a gunshot, who turns out to be a T-1000 terminator sent back in time to stop him being a nurse
• I have a mate who has seen every episode of Top Gear 175 times. Dave
• Do you know what I hate most about the ITV game show ‘The Chase’? I’ll tell you after a break
• As the new presenter of Top Gear, Chris Evans has said one of his co-presenters will be female. The first challenge will be how to park
• I was given a Star Wars DVD today. It was the bonus edition. There’s an extra twenty minutes taken out

• And now on BBC three, the highlights of Children In Need 2014; Start time 7:00 pm – end time 7:05 pm
• What do you get if you cross millions of dumb, shallow women with people who have learning difficulties? Amazing viewing figures for ITVBe
• There’s a UK version of ‘Storage Hunters’ starting on TV tomorrow. They’ll probably come across a container full of illegal immigrants
• BBC ‘Strictly Come Dancing’; Fat bird, Old geezer, fit bird, sports star, hot fella, drama queen and z-list celebrities – Predictable TV
• Channel 4; ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ – Nope, and I can’t think of a single person who does

• Celebrities and fans recall their favourite presenters as ‘Match of the Day’ celebrates its 50th anniversary and Gary Lineker regenerates
• BBC One’s new gymnastics-themed talent show ‘Tumble’; Somewhere there is a barrel that is almost empty…
• BBC ‘Casualty’: This week Dr Tinkle is appointed hospital registrar – Stars Kenneth Williams and Barbara Windsor as nurse May (ooh, Matron!)
• The BBC head of television has said that Jeremy Clarkson is not racist; though confirmed he was a complete bell end
• ‘Wales on a Bus Pass’ on ITV Wales is an excellent programme, and can’t wait for the gripping episode of the X4 from Cardiff to Merthyr
• TV News: “Game of Thrones” to add nine new characters next season. And they have already been killed off

• There should be a ‘Life On Mars’ Special where detective Gene Hunt goes round arresting all the TV presenters from the 1970’s
• Watched ‘The 100’ on E4 as they fight for their life – So gripping, I was on the side of the bad guys who wanted to kill them all off
• BBC ‘Casualty’: A new Doctor Who arrives and causes all sorts of ‘timey wimey’ trouble by mistaking a stethoscope with a sonic screwdriver
• The latest series of ‘24 ‘set in London is unrealistic. The first 7 episodes should have been of Jack Bauer just trying to get off the A40
• I can’t decide if the Jeremy Kyle shows I’ve been watching are repeats or it’s just the guests are the same inbreds that have been on before

• I’m absolutely gutted by tonight’s result. In no way should Ken Morley have been booted off from ‘Celebrity MasterChef’
• Extensive coverage of the World Cup starts on ITV and BBC today. Viewers in Scotland and Wales will have their own programming
• An advert saying how risky and innovative Channel 4 TV is, followed by an advert for ‘Made in Chelsea’ – that’s just ironic or moronic
• A campaign group is calling for Wales to get its own edition of ‘Newsnight’ and want it called ‘Taffnight’
• Netflix should double as a dating site and be like “There are 19 other singles in your area that watched Breaking Bad for the past 11 hours”

• Those scientists proclaiming graphene to be the thinnest material ever developed have obviously never watched ‘The Fast Show’ reunion
• I’ve an idea for a TV chef show, it’s the same as ‘MasterChef’, but it’s not called ‘MasterChef’. Got the idea after seeing every other TV chef show on TV
• Hinterland: What we know so far about the second series – It’s going to be grittier than a council grit lorry filled with the grittiest grit
• What’s the difference between a missing person and the TV show ‘Breaking Bad’? I might care if you told me you’d seen a missing person
• In a desperate bid to appeal more to the iGeneration, ITV talk show ‘Loose Women’ is to be retitled ‘Angry Birds’

• Not a joke – just TV listing: – America’s Got Talent, Britain’s Got More Talent Nuff said
• “Oooh I’m so gay, Oooh I’m so gay, Oooh I’m so gay” There you go, that’s saved you the bother of watching Alan Carr’s entire career
• Can’t wait for the next season of Top Gear, With James May, Richard Hammond and Tiff Needell 
• Today on ‘Loose Women’ A group of middle aged, multi-millionaire women with their own TV show, tell us how unfair life is
• On Channel 4; ‘How clean is your house?’ also known as, ‘Another embarrassment who shouldn’t actually be allowed to live in their own house’

Telly views from 2014

• BBC Three to be axed as on-air channel while Dave is said to be delighted 
• Of course, the real crime in last night’s ‘Jonathan Creek’ was who stole the plot? 
• ITV have just confirmed that the next series of ‘I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here’ will be set in prison
• Very odd, I’m still waiting for Channel 4 or Channel 5 to show “Britain’s Nightmare Winter Weather” documentary
• I can’t watch E4 any more with all their American comedy shows looking the same; ‘The Theory of How I Big Banged Your Mother’

• The BBC just takes the piss with presenter Mike Bushell, This week he was reporting on Underwater Paraplegic Equestrian Trampolining Snooker
• Nine years of ‘How I Met Your Mother’. If it was ‘How I Met Your Father’, it would have been “We met at a wedding” one episode; job done
• ‘Top Gear’ should really now be called ‘Last of the Summer 4×4’ as it’s got three old men messing about doing silly pranks 
• Perhaps it’s just me, but is CSI just the adult version of Scooby Doo?
• Next year Channel 5 have promised to have a celebrity version of ‘Celebrity Big Brother’

Telly views from 2014

• ‘Celebrity Big Brother’ Just the thing for when your career is more washed up than a Syrian refugee
• BBC boss says new incarnation of ‘Top Gear’ will be “really different” – Different because Chris Evans is presenting, and I’m not watching
• Under new ‘Honesty’ guidelines, Channel 5’s ‘Celebrity Big Brother’ has now been renamed, ‘Just who the hell are they?’
• Tonight ITV2 10pm ‘Safeword’ – Avoid
• BBC ‘Casualty’: Mel and Sue arrive to host ‘Great British Casualty Off’ where doctors and nurses treat Mary Berry in various amusing ways