• If I’d had sex with a porn star at my age, I would be telling everyone about it and not trying to cover it up.
  • It’s not the coff that carries you off, it’s the coffin they carry you off in
  • In my day members of a Conservative party weren’t all greedy, self-serving, lying scumbags as they are now. No, wait, yes, they were. But they seemed to have more class.
  • I’m not dead, I just naturally smell this way.
  • I’ve auditioned for a role in the next James Bond film. It’s quite appropriate for me as the villain is called Odd Knob