Author: Ed Itor Page 2 of 6

Yobs, Monks & the Sun

On August 27, 2026

You know when you are getting old, when a day to remember is just that. All you do is just sit there, remembering the past
Some yobbo attacked me down the local park tonight with a bat, and I was really impressed at how well he’d trained it
Had this really funny joke about the sun I was going to tell you, but someone has made a funnier joke about the moon and totally eclipsed it
The Doctor said that I am agoraphobic, but that’s nonsense as I hate violence of any kind
I once considered becoming a monk when I was young but I was cloisterphobic

Medicine, Nan & Tea

On August 27, 2026

Whoever said laughter is the best medicine is wrong, I broke my ribs yesterday and now I’m in agony
Nan said “Siadwel, you start from the bottom and work your way up.” Is that a way to teach me how to swim?
I didn’t learn much foreign languages at school, but I remember the first three letters of the Greek alphabet I.O.U.
I’m so excited I almost wet myself, but that might also be because I’ve had several cups of tea and not gone to spend a penny
I always think It is sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels

llansamlet, Buses & Simon

On August 27, 2026

I bought a new stopwatch from llansamlet (You can get anything you want from llansamlet) and it is brilliant it can go from 0-60 in a minute
I think education is really important. That’s why I’m taking a sandwich course; I’m learning how to make cheese rolls at the moment
It’s really great that the Americans have a public holiday to celebrate the science fiction film ‘Independence Day’
I had my first bus driving lesson today. So far I’ve learned how to drive straight past a crowded bus-stop when it’s raining
When I was growing up in Swansea I hated having a dad called Simon, because I had to do everything the old git said

Tennis, Rules, Anne Boleyn

On August 27, 2026

I’ve got a job lot of tennis rackets for sale. First come, first served
First rule of Thesaurus Club is; that you don’t talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club
I can’t wait to hear myself on the radio soon, though it’s nothing particularly new as I often hear voices in my head
If there is one thing I learnt in in history at school was that Anne Boleyn actually had a brother called Tenpin
I noticed some of my flowers have died. As a mark of respect, I went out and tied a member of my family to a lamppost

Ventriloquism, Gravel, France

On August 27, 2026

Gravel sent me a strange Valentine’s Day card. I just want to hug her, but it says that I’m not allowed to go within 1000 feet of her
I’ve just seen a very confusing book in the library today: ‘Ventriloquism for Dummies’…
I’m not looking forward to the big game on Saturday, It’s not football, it’s called ‘Big’ and that’s where Garry Price kicks me about a bit
So if the ‘Tour de France’ is a epic bicycle race around France, then ‘Tour de Force’ is a land-speeder race on the planet Tatooine?
My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe, thirty five minutes later we finally got out of Swansea

Flowers, Gravel & Spring

On August 27, 2026

Gravel told me to keep an eye out as it was bound to rain cats and dogs. Turned out she was pulling my leg, I felt like such an idiom
Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting “Live life full”. That’s just 3 random words. I’m going to try “Puzzled, mystified, baffled”
I love Spring as it is the only season to be named after a piece of metal
When I was little I took the eleven plus, which is not a shoe size for people with an extra toe, but an exam
These days I’m trying to be more environmentally friendly, I just go around the local park complimenting the trees and the flowers

Doors, Soup & Speakers

On August 27, 2026

Has always puzzled me why are there only four cup-a-soup sachets in a box when there is five working days in a week
Granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. “Siadwel, It’s worth spending money on good speakers”
I’ve a feeling that I’m being watched. I’ve been looking at Goggle Street view and there has been a van outside my house for the last month
Why are we always asked to pray after a tragedy? Hasn’t God just made it perfectly clear that he really does not give a stuff about anyone?
Do you find that in life – When one door closes, you just can’t get the damn thing to open again

Spiderman, Gravel & Yikes

On August 27, 2026

Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can I’m expecting the next film to have him surrounded by old cobwebs in the corner of a room
I uploaded a photograph of my girlfriend Gravel in a bikini on while on holiday. So far it’s got 23 yikes on Facebook
My birthday tomorrow and my Gran is very frugal and has sent me one of her old birthday cards, which is lucky really as I’d like to be 72
Many people have suggested that I should stand at the election, but I’m really quite comfortable sitting down
I can still remember the day when I realised when the ‘University Challenge’ teams on the telly were not actually on top of each other

Crufts, Pizzas & Rocks

On August 27, 2026

For all of those who are sad that Crufts is over for this year, don’t worry. Paracrufts starts in two weeks time
Just passed a pizza shop in Llansamlet and saw a sign in the window “50% off all 18 inch pizzas”. Surely that’s just a nine inch pizza?
As a little lad climbing over rocks at the seaside, my dad use to say “If you fall and break your legs Siadwel, don’t come running to me”
Nan said; “Keep your head down and nose clean at work Siadwel” Which was fine until I was sacked for picking my nose under the desk
Today I’m turning over a new page, what else can I say, I’m an exceedingly slow reader

Dyslexia, Gravel & Slippers

On August 27, 2026

These days I live with my Nan, when I say live with her, she just allows me to sleep under the stairs, which is hard as she’s in a bungalow
I went to the doctors this morning and I was diagnosed with the big “C”. Dyslexia
I’ve just broken up with my girlfriend Gravel and burned every single picture I had of her, now I need a new phone
Every morning when I walk into the kitchen, I always go flying across the tiled floor and land on my bum. I should stop wearing slippers
I’m still writing the next parts of my radio series. It doesn’t help when I have to tippex out any mistakes on the computer

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